"No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear". C. S. Lewis
I don't recall, in my younger days, ever getting "wigged" out over death. I don't think I even thought about it. I don't typically worry about my own death, but the "fear" of losing loved ones can cause me to have an anxiety attack if I don't quickly reel in my emotions and thought processes, turning my thoughts toward God and trusting Him for all I will need regardless of what life brings.
I think when my brother died suddenly, it caused this "fear" to creep in.
When I read 1 Kings 2:2, it "settles" me.
King David is on his death bed, and he gives this charge to his son Solomon:
"I am going where everyone on earth must someday go." Pause. Reflect on that.
"Take courage, and be a man".
I think it settles me because it's normal to struggle with it. So much so that King David is addressing it, "I'm going where everyone on earth must someday go" Yep, that's right. Now, "be courageous".
That doesn't mean, don't grieve. It means don't succomb to the fear. It's as if King David is saying, "Im going to die. Dying is normal. In my absence, you continue to live and live well."
God gives us our "manna" for each day. He gives us what we need for today. And when tomorrow comes, He'll provide what we need for that day. I'm often encouraged by the writings of Corrie Ten Boom. A woman who lived out her faith in the concentration camps. When fearing death, her father told her this story:
“Father sat down on the edge of the narrow bed. "Corrie," he began gently, "when you and I go to Amsterdam-when do I give you your ticket?"
I sniffed a few times, considering this.
"Why, just before we get on the train."
"Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we're going to need things, too. Don't run out ahead of Him, Corrie. When the time comes that some of us will have to die, you will look into your heart and find the strength you need-just in time.”
― Corrie ten Boom, The Hiding Place
I wrote this post because I'm guessing, that if I sometimes struggle with this, others might too. So, I wanted to share thoughts that help me to "park" my brain in a comfortable place, hoping that it will help to calm your fears as well. God gives us what we need when we need it. Live well. Be courageous.